No-Brucie Bonus

OK, so this is lazy blogging, but I've had a busy day and weekend, so whatevs. Here are my Strictly thoughts as expressed less-than-succinctly to Alice and Rhona earlier.

1. Things are better without Bruce - no active screaming at the TV from me - but things were off-balance all night because Tess was extremely nervous and couldn't cope. Ronnie Corbett - WHY? Claudia, though, is a genius - I think she is like Davina minus all the gurning and plus some extra cleverness and empathy. So not really like Davina at all.

2. Stop overscoring Ricky Whittle. That jive was so out of time. Scoring celebrities on how difficult the routine was rather than, you know, how well they actually danced it is not how this bloody show works.

3. Who chooses the music? There is no way Brian picked that song for the cha cha, no way in the world. Mind you, Ali really has to stop looking so self-conscious during Latin or I am going to stop liking her. Fact.

4. I would have saved Tuffers. At least he adds some personality to the competition. What does Groves add? Miraculous weight loss and poor self-scripted gags. Send him home already.

5. Shut up Len.

6. I love Chris Hollins even more than before. I would laugh so hard if he won.

7. Jade and Ian - SOB. Bet they have to withdraw.

8. I hate Anton a little bit less now. BUT they would have been toast if she hadn't done her foot, so I am all bitter and have died a bit inside because Tuffers has gone instead.

Are you bored yet? ARE YOU??

9. They had better not introduce the Bolero as the new dance. Bad enough we have to sit through the rumba, but another slow Latin that is Hard For A Male Celebrity? I will go on strike. Can't we have the Charleston? Or swing? Or the lindyhop?

10. Why did they suddenly just introduce the couples by their first names? What happened to "Ricky Groves, star of Eastenders and his professional partner Erin Boag"? Too much for Tess to read out by herself? Get voiceover man to do it, then. As it was, she raced through it - nerves and fewer words - so the line-up was only five couples when they did the pan up and down the line. WRONG. YOU GOT IT WRONG.

11. Claudia is awesome and must switch to the Saturday show. Here is my recipe for future Strictly brilliance:

Presenters - Graham Norton (funny, a little bit bitchy but also sympathetic) and Claudia (genius)
Judges - Craig (who speaks the truth), Karen Hardy (Head Judge!), Shirley Ballas (dancing queen of mean) and another male judge who is neither Bruno (who looks seriously over this whole thing) or Len (who is stupid and awful and must be fired).
Roving reporter, both in and out of the studio - Alesha. She looks bored behind that desk. Strictly It Takes Two - Claudia (obv) and Chris Hollins when Claudia needs a rest day because she is now doing the Saturday show.
Celebrities - UP THE BUDGET!! These people are awful and unexciting (except Chris Hollins on whom I have a weird little crush). Next year - Robbie Williams for the win.

If they follow my plan, next year will be excellent.

I have more thoughts on this and on other things. Like Doctor Who. I love Doctor Who.