Mind Tidying

I forgot about Matilda

2011-02-22T21:40:00.000Z

Three musicals to report back on. I love musicals. But you probably knew that.

Matilda - RSC, Stratford

To my eternal shame (well, about 10 seconds of shame if I’m honest - it’s only a blog), I missed out Matilda from my January round-up. And it’s so good! If I am completely honest, I didn’t exactly come out humming the Tim Minchin songs - clever though the lyrics are, the music doesn’t stick in your head. The honourable exception to that is Miracle, the opener, which is funny, sharp and clever, and opens the show on exactly the right off-beat note that a Roald Dahl adaptation deserves. The whole show, though, is exuberant, warm-hearted and full of jokes for adults and kids. It also has some wildly enthusiastic dance routines and a couple of routines with swings and a gym vault that had my heart in my mouth. Special mention to Bertie Carvel (who I always love) for his grotesquely brilliant headmistress. If this moves to London, don’t miss it. And tell every parent you know to take their kids - they’ll adore it.

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee - Donmar

Another month, another madly exuberant musical. Again, songs which didn’t really stay with me, but with a script as funny as this one, it doesn’t matter in the slightest. I didn’t stop laughing from the second it started. It’s got some good singing, some enthusiastic dancing (including an excellent cheerleading bit) and I enjoyed every minute. Big fun all round.

Company - Southwark Playhouse

Oooo, I’d never been to the Southwark Playhouse before - I felt so adventurous! I HATE open seating, by the way, I’ll just get that off my chest first. And if you go to see this show, try to sit in the centre bank - I was house left and I missed out on some of the choreographed numbers. In general, though, it’s worth seeing, if only because Company has some of the loveliest musical theatre numbers ever written - Marry Me a Little and Being Alive in particular, but it’s almost craven to single anything out since the whole show is fabulous. The production itself isn’t perfect - a couple of the songs were awkwardly staged, and a bit further down the cast list you’d have to say there are a couple of weaker links. But the leads, especially Rupert Young as Bobby, are charming, and there is a brilliant comic performance from Katie Brayben as April which is almost worth the price of admission on its own. Oh - stand-out vocal performances were Cassidy Janson and Greg Castilioni singing Getting Married Today - both moving and hilarious. In conclusion - well worth seeing.

Only one (maybe two) more theatre trips this month. Then (deep breath) eight (maybe even nine) in March. Yikes.

New Year FAIL

2011-02-14T19:06:00.000Z

So, I made a new year’s resolution to review every theatre trip I went on. Exciting, right? Imagine how much fun reading them would be. If you dare. My thinking was that I spend a fortune on these bloody tickets - if I am not then sharing my thoughts about the shows with the whole world, what on earth is the point? The world NEEDS MY OPINIONS.

The resolution lasted exactly no shows. I could defend myself, but I think we all know that would just be a waste of typing energy, and my lack of blogging already demonstrates the paucity of said energy. I am weak. Very weak.

I am going to try again for February. First trip is this Wednesday - I bet you’re on tenterhooks. In the meantime, though, here’s a January wrap-up, even though most of this is now out-of-date and my views are of even less relevance than they were back then.

Twelfth Night - Cottesloe

Hmmm. I wanted to love it. I think that was probably the problem. Peter Hall directing Twelfth Night? With Rebecca Hall who I think is ace? I wanted so much to love it that perhaps my expectations got in the way. It’s a perfectly good production, but I wanted magic. Rebecca Hall is as charming as ever, though I like a Viola with a bit more oomph. Simon Callow is... Simon Callow. And it has the most bizarre Orsino I have ever seen (seriously, it’s like he’s in a different production from everyone else - everyone else is playing it straight and this guy sort of prowls and pouts his way around the stage - it’s incredibly distracting). But I liked the melancholy, autumnal feel of the whole thing, and Simon Paisley Day as Malvolio is super and dignified even when suffocated by indignities. Best of all, Charles Edwards is probably the funniest, most sympathetic Sir Andrew I have ever seen - totally stole the show. In short - worth seeing, but don’t kill anyone for a ticket. (I mean, I hope you weren’t planning to, but if you were: DON’T.)

A Flea in Her Ear - Old Vic

Great fun, but we saw Tom Hollander’s understudy. Tom Hollander’s understudy was perfectly fine but he’s not, you know, Tom Hollander. Disappointing. Especially at the prices the Old Vic charges. So I am in the unhappy position of knowing it’s a rather good production but still being unable to recommend it, because when I saw it, it was woefully undercooked.

Barbershopera - Trafalgar Studios

This was a second trip to see a show I very much enjoyed in Edinburgh last summer - did I enjoy the show, or did I enjoy the show because I was seeing it in Edinburgh WITH BEER? It turns out, I enjoyed the show. No mean feat to perform an entire show a cappella in four-part harmony, and all four of the cast perform with a huge amount of energy and focus. That said, this has been through some rewrites since Edinburgh - story-wise, they’re definitely for the better, but the new songs aren’t quite as good as the ones that have been around for a while - I’m sure this will get refined through future performances. I’ll definitely go and see whatever this lot do next - they’re good writers, with a nice line in cheap jokes which, as we know, I adore - I’d love to see them write a full musical, to be honest, where they’re not governed by the a cappella thing. Definitely worth checking out if you like musical comedy (come on, who doesn’t?).

Becky Shaw - Almeida

A fairly new American play - a hit off-Broadway apparently. I loved it. It’s not perfect, by any means - I’d rework the ending, for a start - but it is incredibly funny and acerbic and full of excellent performances. Worth seeing just for David Wilson Barnes, who appeared in the off-Broadway production. He is eerily like Kevin Spacey in this part - by turns laconic, funny, bitter and warm-hearted - a wonderful performance. Whole-heartedly recommended.

Less Than Kind - Jermyn Street

The year of Rattigan begins. Every Rattigan play I have seen has begun gently and quietly and then, before I even know what’s happening, the play has my heart in a vice-like grip and is squeezing gently. They make me laugh and make me tense and make me sad, all at the same time. This production is of a not particularly well-known Rattigan play, and you would have to say it’s not quite the powerhouse play of After the Dance or The Winslow Boy. But it’s a gorgeous, unhistrionic production, filled with unshowy, strong performances, particularly from Sara Crowe and Michael Simkins. I very much hope it has a life after Jermyn Street - if it does, go and see it straight away.

And that’s it for January, other than two failed attempts to see King Lear at the Donmar (don’t ask) and a Rory Kinnear talk at the National about his performance at Hamlet (interesting talk, fantastic performance - try and see it on tour if you can). February brings with it (currently) only three shows - the Donmar, Hampstead and Southwark. Let’s hope I report back rather more quickly this time round...

Last minute

2010-12-15T17:11:00.000Z

A lovely reminder from http://www.dvd.co.uk/ that it isn't too late for me to do my last minute Christmas shopping with them. They suggest I might like to buy:

A retro wallet
A total body epilator (yikes)
A hiking shoe (singular)
A Winnie the Pooh magic rattle
A Winmau Blade 4 Bristle Dartboard

So. Much. Choice. Wracked with indecision as I have been since the e-mail arrived, I have finally decided to take up only one of these kind suggestions. It has to be the magic rattle, just in case it's, you know, actual magic. Because that would be brilliant.

Oh dear

2010-11-24T10:38:00.002Z

I've just booked to see Glee live at the O2 next summer. Have I reached rock bottom?

Strictly Come Catch-Up

2010-11-12T16:00:00.000Z

I've been away on holiday. Did you miss me? I tell you what I missed - Strictly. I literally missed it for three weeks but I've now well and truly caught up. I have a lot of thoughts. Here they are, when you have a couple of hours to spare:

1. The Booted Couples

Shilts and Erin. Poor Erin. They should have just sacked her like they wanted to at the end of the last series. The only old dancer allowed on the show is Anton because they've decided he's funny (sigh) and Erin is just tagging along now. Shilts was a hospital pass from the start and Erin knew it. Her face during that launch show was a picture.
Tina and Jared. Who cares? No really - who cares? She got an extra week due to chicken pox sympathy, but frankly it was ill-deserved. If he's back next year it is only due to possible showmance (though shurely this is made up?) although obviously that didn't save Brian.

Jimi and Flavia. Oh it's such a SHOCK, oh it's so SAD etc etc. To me? Not a shock and not at all sad. One more week of Jimi's relentless mugging for the camera and I was going to boot his face in. I though that quickstep was overly careful and a bit dull. Maybe they went a week or two early, but no more than that, so STOP BLEATING about it. Nobody likes a bad loser *cough* James Jordan *cough*.
2. Ann and Anton

OK. I have two things to say here and to some people's minds they might be contradictory, but I trust you to understand. Firstly, they have to leave this competition. I know, I know, it's an entertainment show, blah blah, but why they hell would I want to be entertained by Anton's mugging and Widdy's hopeless dancing and oh-so-funny battles with the judges when I could be entertained by some lovely dancing? I think what makes me feel worst about it is that I feel like I am watching Anton's Ghost of Christmas Future the whole time - his destiny is to cart ancient old bags around a dancefloor to earn pennies for gin. However, secondly, I think the world should SHUT UP about whether or not she should quit the show. No, she shouldn't. She might be awful, but the idiot public are voting for her, so why should she quit just to make them feel better about themselves? No. But please God, let her time have run out.
3. The Also-Rans

Michelle & Brendan. I have no feelings about them whatsoever. They're just making up the numbers at this point and will probably be next week's boot. It was lovely to see Ian Waite back though, even just for one week. Love him.

Felicity and Vincent. I fast-forwarded all their dances. If they went instead of Michelle and Brendan I wouldn't give too hoots. I am not sure they could be any more dull.

Patsy and Robin. That guy is so weird-looking. I honestly feel like he was built in a factory where they make the World's Strongest Man contestants, then accidentally made a bit camp with a passion for dance. The results make me very uncomfortable.
4. Sort of Also-Rans but sort of Not

Pamela and James. Once genuine contenders, now very obviously not due to a) the Latin factor b) the Jordan factor and c) the Pamela Shtick factor. The salsa was obviously a total one-off in terms of Pamela's Latinability. Jordan seemed likeable for two minutes and now is obviously unutterably awful again. Plus - how cheesy was that foxtrot? The lookback to camera at the end actually made me feel physically sick. And finally the shtick. We get it, Pam. You're a bit old! You're funny! You're married to Billy Connolly! Now shut up!

Gavin and Katya. I mean, look, yes, they're also-rans. Of course they are. But I sort of love them. Henson is such a self-obsessed dolt, I can't take my eyes off him.
5. Contenders

Kara and Artem. She's the best dancer on the show, basically. But she won't win, because she's an attractive woman who's not afraid of the fact that she's attractive. I predict a semi-final booting.

Scott and Natalie. I have always thought Scott was a bit ape-like, but he has been getting away with it so far because Natalie is amazing and can choreograph around it. But you can't choreograph a rumba for an ape. The question is, has this dodgy week ruined his chances? I think a lot rests for him on this next dance, because he doesn't quite have the likeability factor that saved Hollins every week if he stuffs it up again. Also, Len did him no favours with that nine, the pratt.

Matt and Aliona. My prediction, it seems, has come true. Matt is terrific, but Aliona's hopeless choreography with its endless over-complication is a) making him make mistakes and b) making him stressed and therefore a bit unlikeable. I think it's quite hard to maintain a chirpy Blue Peter demeanour if you're constantly under pressure from a crazy Russian. If she made the dances even a tiny bit simpler, he'd get tens all round. Madness.
6. The Professionals

Here is my take on who should stay, who should go, and who should never have gone etc.

Boot
Anton and Erin. It's time. But in fact they'll boot Erin and keep Anton and I will cry and cry.
Jared. He's about 12 years old. He can dance, but he can't choreograph, and he looks out of his depth.
Robin. I can't look at his face.
Aliona. If she doesn't win this year, surely a certain booting. I don't like her.
Jordan. Hate.
Christina. To quote Craig, cha-cha-chavvy.
The Pro-Dance Troupe. Everything they have done has been awful. They look like they rehearse for five minutes before going on, which I think perhaps is true. The pro dances that are done by the current competing professionals are just so much better - last week's foxtrot was gorgeous.

Keep
Katya. She's hilarious. If she'd been paired with Matt they would have been sure-fire winners.
Natalie. She's crazy, but her choreography is amazing.
Brendan. I know he needs to shut up, but when he really gets the chance to dance, he's terrific.
Vince and Flav. Obviously.
Ola. Can we keep her if we boot her awful husband? Is that allowed?

Bring them back
Ian Waite. Love him. Although he was awful in that rock 'n'roll dance. But then, who wasn't?
Lilia. I miss her. But I don't miss Darren, so WHAT DO I DO?
Cutler. Oh Cutler, how do I miss thee, let me count the ways... But on the subject of Cutler, how camp was that pro paso he choregraphed? It was the campest thing I've ever seen on SCD, and that is seriously saying something.

It is just possible that I overthink Strictly. A bit. Maybe.

What could get me blogging again?

2010-10-18T14:36:00.002+01:00

Chaps - there have been so many things I could have blogged about over the last few months. All the lovely theatre I've seen. My two-day whirlwind trip to Edinburgh. My new obsession with NFL due to my participation in NFL Fantasy Football (courtesy of Mr Plenty More Fish). But I think you knew what would get me back on here. And you were right. It's that Strictly time again.

No full recaps from me - if you want those, try this guy, who writes awesome epic recaps with screencaps and everything. But here are some thoughts about this week's show:

1. Is Matt Baker a bit humourless? Maybe he is. Or maybe Aliona is ruining him because her choreography is useless. Gimmicky rubbish. She is letting him down, I feel.

2. It doesn't matter what happens, I still hate the rumba.

3. Pamela Stephenson has done what I had thought to be impossible and has made me like James Jordan. DAMN YOU BBC.

4. Felicity Kendal is just blah for me. I barely even remember she is there.

5. Michelle Williams should be toast. She can barely stand up on those sticks, never mind dance, and her sense of humour which was evident in the launch show has gone walkabout, so she ought to get booted for lack of likeability, regardless of dance failings. BUT Brendan has gone back to NZ because his dad sadly died at the weekend, so Williams gets IAN WAITE HURRAH HURRAH for a week to do the tango. Can he rescue her from near certain booting through his sheer magnificence? Maybe.

6. I love a bit of Vince and Flav, but that tango was effing mental. Alice rightly described Flavia as a turquoise worm, while Rhona thought of it as the bondage dance. I felt it was a combo of the two - a turquoise worm doing a dirty bondage dance with four men. But I did like the bit when the giant new boy Robin threw Flavia over his head. That was cool.

7. Paul Daniels just had to go and be gross about Ola at the end, didn't he? He couldn't just leave it. I hate the way this show makes it ok for the old men to be dirty old men. No. Just stop it.

8. Tess Daly is a joy vacuum.

9. I miss the dance-off. Controversial.

10. When this show booted a load of pros in the summer I was a bit upset, because they were (mainly) pros that I liked. BUT what I have noticed so far is that they didn't just lose lovely dancers - in Cutler, Ian Waite and Lilia, they also lost three of their absolute best choreographers, and it really really shows. The best choreographer at the moment is Natalie by a country mile - and Erin in the ballroom. Everything else just looks super-lame by comparison. Silly silly BBC. BRING THEM BACK.

Greg Rusedski...

2010-06-28T16:47:00.003+01:00

... would like us to know that the first two or three games of the set are where Murray is susceptible to an early break. Whereas what I would actually like to know is who thought Rusedski was worth a commentating spot.

I see you a Nice...

2010-04-18T21:20:00.003+01:00

...and I raise you a Stafford. Yeah, ok, no Rafa, no Monte Carlo, no trip to the Cours Saleya market, no Kir Royale. But instead:

- a walk on Cannock Chase
- a day trip to Lichfield (super cathedral! three spires!)
- a day trip to Little Moreton Hall (it's Tudor! it does a lovely lunch and a less good cup of tea!)
- a cinema trip (to The Ghost! it's not as good as they're making out!)
- a pint and a half of Tribute at the Spittal Brook (I chose to drink real ale! how did that happen?!)

Basically, who needs Nice? Viva the road trip! Viva The National Trust!

Easyjet

2010-04-15T12:19:00.001+01:00

Here's a snippet from the Easyjet website.

Question:

How do I request a refund for my cancelled flight?

Answers others found helpful:

Can I book a seat for a wedding cake?

So much for that then

2010-04-15T12:04:00.002+01:00

Flights are grounded thus so am I. Ah Rafa. So close.

Volcanic Ash? Really?

2010-04-15T08:41:00.003+01:00

I am sitting in my sitting room (that's what you do in a sitting room) obsessively hitting refresh on the Easyjet website, watching closely as a rash of cancellations races down the board. A volcano erupting in Iceland last night seems likely to prevent me watching tennis (in Monte Carlo! I know!) tomorrow and I am having problems coming to terms with it. Please let the flight still go, please let the flight still go, please let the flight still go...

And another thing...

2010-04-09T10:36:00.000+01:00

Have I ever told you how much I love Foyle's War? Surely I have. Surely. It's practically all I talk about.

Anyway, it's back this Sunday at 8pm. I only just found out. I'm beyond excited.

Toby

2010-04-09T10:05:00.002+01:00

From a review of "The Infidel" by Peter Bradshaw:

"[Omid Djalili] has a great double act with Richard Schiff, whose comic timing and delivery is a marvel, and a revelation to those who know him only from The West Wing."

Question: Has Peter Bradshaw ever actually watched The West Wing?

A rockin' Saturday night

2010-04-03T21:16:00.003+01:00

This evening I have:

done some work (but not enough)
cooked and eaten a frozen pizza (pepperoni - average)
had a glass of wine (red - very nice)
watched Doctor Who (full report to follow, but enjoyed Matt Smith - a relief)
watched the Dorothy show (I know I should disapprove, but I just don't)
online shopped at Ocado (I had a voucher if I exceeded £90 - I didn't think I would - how could one woman be so wrong?)

That, my friends, has been my Saturday night.

Question: Do I need to get out more?

Spring Storm - The Cottesloe

2010-03-30T15:30:00.002+01:00

Look, look! It's another theatre review! Once I've done this one, I'll be up-to-date. Well, except for the eight plays I saw before the whole blog review resolution thing, and the one I saw on Sunday. But other than that - UP. TO. DATE.

So, anyway. Spring Storm. It's an early play by Tennessee Williams and it's about a lot of things, but basically boils down to a girl deciding between a respectable, rich suitor and a wilder, brutish boy who has (unknown to everyone else) already been her lover for a year and more. It's a production brought to the National from the Royal & Derngate in Northampton and is apparently a European premiere of the play.

There is a great deal to enjoy, particularly in the performances of Liz White as Heavenly Critchfield (never short of excellent names, old Tennessee) once she'd recovered from her accent wobbles in the opening scene and Jacqueline King as her mother (also Donna's mother in Doctor Who, fact fans). It's also fascinating to see proto-versions of later Williams characters - the dialogue and characterisation is good here, but I imagine it would have even greater resonance if the play was in rep with Streetcar.

All that being said, I enjoyed the play less than most reviewers seem to have - the Northampton production picked up four stars from most critics. For me... Not so much. The first half meandered and pootled along. It wasn't until the second half, when the plot starts to move with some urgency, that I felt any real engagement. When it's good, though, it's very, very good and the second half contains a couple of scenes with recognisable Williams themes (suppressed female sexuality, the clash between past and present, courtliness and brutality) that pack a real punch.

All in all, if you're offered a ticket, I'd take it. But I wouldn't necessarily kick down doors to get one.

Verdict: Je dis, "Comme ci, comme ca."

The White Guard

2010-03-24T21:26:00.004Z

So, I go to the theatre a lot. Like, a lot. It costs me a small fortune. To date, I have not blogged about any of the plays/shows I have been to see. Tonight, people, that changes.

(I bet you're super-excited.)

First up - The White Guard, currently previewing at the Lyttelton at the National. It's by Mikhail Bulgakov and it's all about 1918 Kiev and a family that sees itself as Ukrainian, Russian and Tsarist, with all the terrifying complications that brought with it. An excellent fact about this show is that Stalin loved it, even though its heroes were the White Army - the reason why becomes painfully clear in the final act.

Basically, you should go to see this play. It's dark and funny and satirical and brutal. The cast has no weak links (particular mention for Anthony Calf's perfect cameo and Pip Carter, who looks probably fresh out of RADA and who I have seen in three plays at the National in each of which he has been perfect) and the sets... Well, I'm not one to get excited about sets, or I never used to be though what with going to all these plays now I notice them more, but the design of this show is spectacular.

This is the third Andrew Upton-translated Russian play I have seen at the National in the last few years. If I hear he's translating any more, I'll be first in the queue. Seriously - go and see it.

Verdict: Je dis oui, oui.

The Olympics and how I love it so

2010-02-16T16:45:00.002Z

My love of the Summer Olympics is well-documented (well, it's documented), but I have been more coy about my love for the Winter ones. Mainly because I love them a bit less. But it really is only a little bit less. I know very little about any of the sports involved, so I have to turn myself into a semi-knowledgeable fan very quickly if I am going to enjoy them properly. Fortunately, I have the commitment to do so - real life goes on hold until the Olympics is over. Well, except my job - I still have to do that.

Anyway, my new grand passion as of last night and for at least the next two days until I get over the excitement is... Snowboard Cross. I watched the men's downhill ski-ing which was super and very exciting, mainly because of the crap snow and the terrible weather, and then I had my dinner and watched University Challenge (natch). And then, oh, then I discovered Snowboard Cross on BBC Three. It is one of the most mental sports I have ever seen - like the BMX racing at the Beijing Games, but crazier, faster, and on ice. I watched it all, and then I turned over to BBC2 and watched it again. It's so good I didn't care about the crap commentary, or about the fact that every time the commentator called it "Boarder Cross" my mind went straight to this song (which doesn't even have the words "border" or "cross" in it, so who the hell knows), I just watched and watched and watched.

Seriously. Watch the highlights. It's bloody brilliant.

Another reason to stay in the house

2010-01-10T18:52:00.002Z

Dancing on Ice is just starting. I could fight it, but I am too weak.

Did anyone else watch So You Think You Can Dance last night? I rather enjoyed it. I mean, for a start they can all actually dance, which is nice. I'll keep watching. Here are my thoughts for those of you who might be interested.

1. The lack of "celeb" recognition factor was not in any way a problem for me until the judges' recap at the end. "I loved Blah and Blah, but Blah and Blah could be in trouble tonight," etc. It's going to take me a few weeks to know who's who and even longer to care, I suspect.

2. Having said that, I am developing a low-level crush on Alastair. He grew up on a farm and also does ballet. It's all terribly Billy Elliot.

3. Nigel Lythgoe actually speaks sense. Can we have him on Strictly? Instead of Len? I hate Len.

4. Cat Deeley can host whatever she likes. Her and Schofield. I love Schofield. Let's sack Tess and Bruce and Len and get Cat and Schofield and Nigel. Lovely.

5. All of Strictly's mad camera swoops seem to have made it in tact to this show, which is very disappointing, because this show actually has some dancing that we might like to see. Also, all routines are choreographed for a proper stage rather than a ballroom floor, so the camera swoops are unnecessary and distracting - we don't need to see this dance from the back, you fools. Sort it out, please, BBC.

6. Here is the boy who went out last night:

I think he looks like the progeny of Freddie Prinze Jr and Ray Quinn.

I am quite glad he has gone home.

Overdue

2010-01-08T17:07:00.001Z

Where have I been? Lazing around, that's where I have been. I've also been watching a lot of TV, which I'll fill you in on later. In the meantime, here's a snippet I enjoyed from the So You Think You Can Dance website:

"He left school before completing his A-Levels after being offered the opportunity to understudy the role of Mr Mistoffelees in Cats in Germany – his dream job."

Dream big, my friend. Dream big.

It's Christmas!

2009-12-08T21:55:00.003Z

Those of you who know me will know that I love University Challenge. Love it. Like, the hate-going-out-on-Monday-nights kind of love it. And as of this week I have a new favourite contestant. He is on the Warwick team. His name is Christopher Christmas.

My previous favourite was Martin Heighway, on the Open University team. I loved him partly for his raffish gulp of water each and every time he successfully answered a starter for 10, but mainly because when he hit the buzzer first on said starter for 10, Voiceover Man would shout with delight, "Open Heighway!" It literally (for me) never got old.

Christopher has neither a raffish style of water-drinking nor a funny punny name. But, you guys? His name is Christopher Christmas.

Sunday morning thoughts

2009-12-06T10:08:00.002Z

The title of this post was meant to lull you into thinking this post might be about many different things. It isn't. You know what it's about. I almost can't wait for 19th December so that my mind might turn to different things.

1. I voted for Chris and Ola again. I seriously think I might have lost my mind. In previous years I have been secure in the knowledge that I was supporting the best dancer, even when that dancer wasn't going to win. But this year something has changed. I have become one of the other sort, the sort that votes for the couple they like rather than the couple who can dance. Why? What's changed? Is it me? Is it the show? It's me, isn't it.

2. I think Bruce was on something last night. Possibly Pro Plus.

3. Can Bette Midler please learn another song? She's been popping up on these light entertainment shows for years and she always sings The Rose or the dreaded Wind Beneath My Wings? Why? Why does she do this? What is she selling? Is it in her contract that she never has to learn a new song ever again? If so, why? Why is it in her contract? Why do people keep agreeing to the contract? So. Many. Questions.

4. Tess needs to sort her wardrobe pronto. Part of the joy of Strictly has always been checking what horror Tess is in that week and wondering who in wardrobe she has pissed off, but we seem to have added a new element to all this - Boob Area Catastrophe (BAC). Last week, poor bra choice meant a couple of boobs too many. This week, poor bra choice and slightly too low a neckline demonstrated that gravity always wins. Somebody help her.

5. Why don't I like Ricky Whittle?

6. I once sent Rhona and Alice a long e-mail about how I felt about Anton and Laila doing Latin. Basically it makes me feel upset and dirty. Thank God they've finally gone home.

Strictly terrifying

2009-12-03T18:53:00.005Z

I have been trying to figure out exactly why I find Natalie Lowe, new Strictly professional, so unsettling. I mean, she and Ricky Whittle can be a bit annoying, but they're pretty good and I forgive them many transgressions because their quickstep was awesome, but she just... freaks me out. Today I finally figured it out.

Here she is in Strictly:

And here she is in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines:

Natalie for the win! Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me!

Le tennis, encore une fois

2009-11-29T20:02:00.002Z

I did not cover myself in glory at the tennis on Friday night. In fact, what I covered myself in was beer - I spilled half an expensive pint over my own lap. I still don't know quite how it happened. I got in a grump and could not cope with the damp and the stale beer smell so in the end I left after a set and a half. Had it been the Fed, it's possible I would have got over it, but Davydenko vs Soderling? I just couldn't bring myself to care.

On the upside, the view even from the cheap seats was really jolly good, though vertigo sufferers would be advised to splash out on courtside seats. It's not for the faint-hearted up there.

It has been a busy weekend of culture and social engagements. I'll write about those when I have been fortified by Shepherd's Pie.

Anyone for tennis?

2009-11-27T13:49:00.003Z

I am off to the O2 arena this evening for a spot of tennis-watching. I have never been to the O2 before and I have not been to see live tennis for a number of years so, as you can imagine, I have been rather excited. I have checked today's order of play. That's the order of play for the ATP World Finals, featuring the top male players in the world this year. What will I be watching?

Davydenko vs Soderling

That's right, team. Davydenko vs Soderling. In a championship featuring Federer, Nadal, Murray and Djokovic, the Friday night game is Davydenko vs Soderling.

Now, let me be very clear. I rather like Robin Soderling. I think he's got a nice line in self-deprecating humour and he beat Nadal at the French this year, which was the only way that Federer was ever going to win the title, and God knows I love Federer. Plus he's only in there because my adored Andy Roddick is injured, so underdog etc etc. Davydenko, though, is another matter. He is a player who seems to have been in the top 10 forever while not actually doing very much. I mean, obviously, he does rather a lot and must win a lot of matches, but did we enjoy any of them? Do we remember any of them? And is he, in fact, a bit dodgy?

My point is, I will have no difficulty finding someone to get behind and I will enjoy myself because it's live sport with a bunch of my friends. BUT it's the ATP finals, the end-of-year extravaganza and I'm watching Davydenko vs Soderling.

Not cool, ATP dudes. Not cool.

Modern day heroes

2009-11-22T18:59:00.003Z

There are modern day heroes amongst my friends. They are called Sarah and Mike and they devoted their entire day today to moving me from El Syd to The Big Surb. This was above and beyond the call of duty and so far this is what they have had in return:

profuse thanks
some M&S sandwiches
a cup of tea

Obviously I will improve upon this in the days to come.

Strictly report to follow when I have perked up a bit. I'm having a cheeky glass of wine now, which is helping.

Calmer now

2009-11-21T13:06:00.003Z

So yes. I own a flat. So far it is empty other than for the plant and the excellent sandwich/panini maker (which also makes quesadillas, according to the instruction booklet, which = aces) bought for me as a housewarming (literally) gift by Penny, RB, Sal, Sue and Zoe. I am immensely grateful for both gifts, but more so for the sandwich maker, because I am good at keeping electrical goods alive but in general less successful with plantlife.

Today I thought about going and buying some paint, seeing as the whole flat needs decorating. But then I got sidetracked by carpet, and then demoralised by how many different types of carpet there are, so in the end I just bought a kettle.

Plans for the rest of the day include watching England get beaten by the All Blacks and having a chat with my Dad, plus of course watching Strictly, which this week is being brought to me by the letter 'S' (Sue, Sian and El Syd). I have no doubt I will report back with my thoughts.

Responsibility

2009-11-20T12:07:00.000Z

My solicitor has just called to confirm that I own a flat now. I imagine I will feel excited about that later on today when I get the keys and go in. At the moment, I feel a bit sick.

No-Brucie Bonus

2009-11-16T17:43:00.001Z

OK, so this is lazy blogging, but I've had a busy day and weekend, so whatevs. Here are my Strictly thoughts as expressed less-than-succinctly to Alice and Rhona earlier.

1. Things are better without Bruce - no active screaming at the TV from me - but things were off-balance all night because Tess was extremely nervous and couldn't cope. Ronnie Corbett - WHY? Claudia, though, is a genius - I think she is like Davina minus all the gurning and plus some extra cleverness and empathy. So not really like Davina at all.

2. Stop overscoring Ricky Whittle. That jive was so out of time. Scoring celebrities on how difficult the routine was rather than, you know, how well they actually danced it is not how this bloody show works.

3. Who chooses the music? There is no way Brian picked that song for the cha cha, no way in the world. Mind you, Ali really has to stop looking so self-conscious during Latin or I am going to stop liking her. Fact.

4. I would have saved Tuffers. At least he adds some personality to the competition. What does Groves add? Miraculous weight loss and poor self-scripted gags. Send him home already.

5. Shut up Len.

6. I love Chris Hollins even more than before. I would laugh so hard if he won.

7. Jade and Ian - SOB. Bet they have to withdraw.

8. I hate Anton a little bit less now. BUT they would have been toast if she hadn't done her foot, so I am all bitter and have died a bit inside because Tuffers has gone instead.

Are you bored yet? ARE YOU??

9. They had better not introduce the Bolero as the new dance. Bad enough we have to sit through the rumba, but another slow Latin that is Hard For A Male Celebrity? I will go on strike. Can't we have the Charleston? Or swing? Or the lindyhop?

10. Why did they suddenly just introduce the couples by their first names? What happened to "Ricky Groves, star of Eastenders and his professional partner Erin Boag"? Too much for Tess to read out by herself? Get voiceover man to do it, then. As it was, she raced through it - nerves and fewer words - so the line-up was only five couples when they did the pan up and down the line. WRONG. YOU GOT IT WRONG.

11. Claudia is awesome and must switch to the Saturday show. Here is my recipe for future Strictly brilliance:

Presenters - Graham Norton (funny, a little bit bitchy but also sympathetic) and Claudia (genius)
Judges - Craig (who speaks the truth), Karen Hardy (Head Judge!), Shirley Ballas (dancing queen of mean) and another male judge who is neither Bruno (who looks seriously over this whole thing) or Len (who is stupid and awful and must be fired).
Roving reporter, both in and out of the studio - Alesha. She looks bored behind that desk. Strictly It Takes Two - Claudia (obv) and Chris Hollins when Claudia needs a rest day because she is now doing the Saturday show.
Celebrities - UP THE BUDGET!! These people are awful and unexciting (except Chris Hollins on whom I have a weird little crush). Next year - Robbie Williams for the win.

If they follow my plan, next year will be excellent.

I have more thoughts on this and on other things. Like Doctor Who. I love Doctor Who.

Fingerlickin' bad

2009-11-10T21:48:00.000Z

I have had some red wine this evening which has made me more than usually intolerant. I know. Hard to believe.

Here is the thing that annoyed me this evening. The man sitting next to me on the train was reading the Evening Standard. Every time he wanted to turn the page, he licked his thumb. Every time. He held the paper in both hands, lifted it to his face and licked his left thumb. Every time he turned the page.

Questions:

a) Is his thumb that slippery?
b) Is the Evening Standard that tough to get a grip of?
c) Didn't his thumb get newsprinty?
d) Didn't that make his thumb taste worse every time?

To him - normal. To me - impossible to cope with.

I moved.

A week in summary

2009-11-08T18:13:00.001Z

My resolution to write an entry on this every day lasted, let me see now... a day. However, in news that will delight me, the writer, and would I am sure delight all readers if I in fact had any, I have managed to spend the afternoon today writing for the first time in a very long time, so perhaps even that one blog entry has, you know, jogged something loose.

Here's what I have been doing this week:

1. Going to the theatre. I went to see Bedroom Farce at the Kingston Rose, a play I like by a playwright I like. Jane Asher and Nicholas Le Prevost were in it and were masterfully experienced and urbane and extremely funny. The younger folk in it? Not so much. I don't think it can be that young people cannot do Ayckbourn, I think it is more that they just managed to cast quite a lot of people who aren't funny. Funny is not the same as being good at acting. Also, it had not one, not two, but three sons/daughters of famous actors in it. I have views about this. I'll share them another time.

2. Going to the cinema. I saw An Education with Zoe T (she was with me, she wasn't in it). It was set in Twickenham, where I grew up, which made me oddly happy even though I didn't recognise any of the locations. It's very good, but I think the chat about Carey Mulligan being Oscar-worthy is OTT. She's lovely in it, but she's been lovely in everything I have seen her in, but the same sort of lovely every time. Possibly not her fault - clearly she is being cast as a certain type of character - but not ready for Oscar-chat yet, that's what I say.

3. Watching Strictly. I thought about doing a proper long blog about this, but others are doing it already and in a very funny way, so read them, not this. Maybe I'll do it another week. A few thoughts, though.

a) Dear Producers, you have leapt on the possibility of another showmance (Ricky and Natalie) with indecent haste. Let it lie. You too, Tess - no-one thinks you're funny.
b) There is a special place in hell for the person who decided the best use of BLACKPOOL WEEK was a bloody pro Viennese waltz, for God's sake.
c) Bruce singing is good for no-one, least of all Bruce. "What a rare this has been." What?
d) This was the first week that I voted. I voted for Jade and Ian. It's a losing cause, but I love them.

I think I'll try to blog again tomorrow. I bet you (by which I mean I) can't wait.

Let's see how we get on

2009-11-02T13:30:00.000Z

Gosh, this is blue, isn't it?

I set up this blog ages ago thinking, for some reason, that I had all these, like, interesting things to say and stuff if only I could, like, find somewhere to say them and get them out of my brain so I could focus on new stuff (I dwell on things. If you know me, you already know this). It has turned out, however, that I am too lazy.

In an effort to strike a blow against lethargy and somehow trigger a renaissance in energy levels, writing levels and all other levels of everything, finally, here I am. I don't know what I'll be writing about, but I'd guess it will include:

Strictly (I love it and hate it. It's complicated.)
Sport (I love it but I'm curiously unengaged this autumn. Let's see how it goes.)
Commuter rage (I suffer from it daily)
The Olympics (it's separate from sport. I mean, I know it isn't, but for me it is because my love is so strong.)

Plus, you know, other stuff as the rage takes me. I tried to find a title for this blog that was about anger, rage, ranting etc, because that's a lot of what I do. But they were all taken. There's a lot of rage on the internet, people.